I have been thinking long and hard – how much do I want to share about my pregnancy. Should I share at all? Should I not? Many people are superstitious about this time of their lives. Well, I am not superstitious – not about this time or any other time in my life, really. And I believe that people are good in the world, so I see no reason not to share at least parts of this journey.
Why is it even important? Well, to be honest – I felt a little alienated. First 3 months of pregnancy, when you’re not supposed to tell about the baby seemed like the most gruelling time so far (and I know I’m only halfway, but still).
What’s so gruelling about it all? Well – for one – you just don’t understand what the hell is going on until you find out you are pregnant. I ran so many blood tests and saw multiple doctors, to find out what the hell was happening, because I had fatigue, I had such a brain fog, I was bloated like never in my life… I had missed my period, done multiple pregnancy tests which all came back negative, visited my OB-GYN and even done an ultrasound. Everything was perfect with my health and all the docs I saw told me to just wait it out. I didn’t understand what was happening…
Ok, I’ll back up a little. I can’t say that pregnancy was unplanned. It was very planned! just very unexpected. Why? It’d been long 2 and a half years with a lot of trying… We had gone from being convinced that getting pregnant will be no biggie to talking about artificial insemination. I’ve doubted that we’ll ever even have a baby and I had gone through all the documentation you need for the adoption. So… You could say that it hasn’t been an easy ride. I am still amazed by how positive my husband has stayed through all of this and I’m glad he has because that kept my insanity many times during these couple of years.
Since the pregnancy hadn’t been on my mind that much anymore – I was surprised to find out I was pregnant. Since I’m a trainer and I know my body quite well – I noticed a lot of weird things going on. And it was not the sickness in the morning (that came later…and oh boy, did it come hard). At first, it was just the fatigue and brain fog mostly. Felt like I was super inflamed, so I upped my turmeric intake and tried cutting out all the gluten and dairy, just to get the inflammation down, but nothing helped. But then the crazy breast pain kicked in. That made me suspicious and didn’t go along with my theory that I had done something to my thyroid. And I took multiple pregnancy tests. AGAIN! Even though I had done them just a couple of weeks ago.
And here I was – 5 weeks pregnant, bloated as hell and just tired beyond my own understanding. And I couldn’t tell anyone… I had to go to the gym, talk to clients, motivate them, but all I felt was tiredness and such a lack of motivation that I never thought possible. I couldn’t work out – one thing I truly enjoyed and I had so many things going through my head – and I couldn’t tell anyone.
Just to keep myself sane – I started noting down how I felt and what I hated/loved about this process… And it kind of grew to my mini-diary. I don’t know if this can ever help any new moms to be, but I just want to share my journey and if you can relate – maybe it will make it easier on you to get through the first 3 months of this. Or maybe the whole pregnancy…
So, here goes my pregnancy mini-diary: